Caregiving

My Top 10 Stress Relievers For Caregivers

May 01, 2018


Here are some of my top stress relievers that have helped me in stressful times during the last few years.

1. Meditation - YouTube videos

I found out about meditation and YouTube videos just a few months before my mom was diagnosed with FTD. I would say this has been a blessing for me to learn about meditation videos, and to be able to listen to them the last few years. 

I have gotten into a habit where I  listen to meditation videos while I go to sleep or I have a harder time falling asleep. It's such a habit that I have listened to meditation while falling asleep at home, on vacation, or in the hospital. This always helps me out and helps me to fall asleep easier and more peacefully. I love that I can just do this from my phone, and have access to it anywhere I go. This video below, is my current favorite one, and the one that I listen to every night.


2. Walk/Jog/Run/Exercise/Move Around -

I started walking, sometimes 2 times a day, with my dog. This helped me relieve so much stress that I had. Walking and seeing the beauty around me helped me forget about my worries.

I would even, at times, take my mom with me to the park. She'd sit in the car listening to her music with her headphones, while watching me walk around the track. This helped me de-stress. I was able to entertain my mom, while doing something that helped me, too.

My goal lately has been to just move around more than I have been. 
My walk at the park. I had my mom get out of the car to take a picture with me in 2014.

3. Pets -

I have been lucky to be surrounded by pets that always have seemed to know when I needed their love. They have really been therapy for me. Petting an animal can help relieve stress and worries.


4. Journaling / Blogging -

I haven't been that great with journaling for quite some time. I have started to blog and document this FTD journey that we have been on. I feel like opening up and letting it all out has helped me out so much. Letting it out is therapeutic! Let it out!


5. Music -

Music is probably a given stress reliever for everyone. Listening to some upbeat music can always make you feel better. Turn on and turn up the music!


6. Positive Affirmations -

Positive affirmations help to boost me up and to keep me on the right path of thinking. This can really help out if you wake up and do this in the mornings. It's a great way to start your day out. I learned this from Tony Robbins. It doesn't hurt to have a hour of power in the mornings, too. Take time to focus on yourself.

Think to yourself positive affirmations like the ones below. Say positive affirmations inside your head over and over.

 I Can Do This
I Am Strong
I Am Brave
I Am A Great Caregiver

7. Search For Support -

I'll admit that I was the one who thought I could do everything by myself. I didn't need anyone or any support. The truth is everyone needs all the support they can get while going through stressful situations! Search for support from family and friends. When you feel like you need extra support reach out to support groups in person or online. It is very therapeutic to speak to others who understand what you are going through. No one should have to go through stressful situations alone!


8. Be Thankful -

Be thankful for the little things. This is what helps me keep going. I search for just even the smallest things that I am thankful for. I always remind myself that things could be so much worse, and then it reminds me to be thankful for my situation. It could always be worse than it is.


9. Friends and Family - 

 Having the support of friends and family has been what has got me through my stressful times. Just knowing they were there for me through it all helped me. I didn't need them to help me fix my problems. It just helped to know they were there. It's nice to get a moment to yourself away from it all, and hang out with friends & family, too.

 10.  Hot Shower or Bath -

Whenever I feel like I need to unwind and just get away from everything. . . . . I love to get in the shower and just have the warm water run down my body. It helps release tension & sore muscles. I love to do the positive affirmations in the shower, too. That makes this a 2 in 1 stress reliever for me. Make your "shower time" your "me time". Don't think about all of your worries and everything you have on your to do list. Let your shower time be your healing time! Think of positive affirmations, while you are showering. It will do wonders for you.


These are just a few of the ways that I have found to help relieve my stress. What are some stress relievers that help you?

Tips & Tricks

Ways How We Cut My Mom's Hair - Frontotemporal Dementia

March 26, 2018



I recently noticed that my mom's hair was getting harder to comb, and it was harder to wash her hair with it being longer.  It was time for another haircut!

I scheduled Paul's & Natalie's FTD Haircutting/Beauty Services to come cut my mom's hair. Okay, so we really don't have a business named that, but if we did, maybe, we would name it that.

We grabbed the scissors, combs, and hair ties! We headed over to assisted living to cut my mom's hair.

I designated my husband, Paul, early on to be my mom's hairdresser. He has helped cut my mom's hair every time she's needed her haircut since her diagnosis with FTD. He always just trims her hair up, and it's easy for him to do. We decided early on that it would just be easier to trim her hair ourselves, instead of taking her somewhere, to get her hair cut. 

 My mom has the Behavioral Variant of FTD, so we have learned early on that sometimes it is hard to take her out in public. She can say stuff that is not filtered about others, she can laugh at others, and sometimes it is just easier to do stuff on our own, than to deal with the Behavioral Variant behaviors, that my mom has.

Here are some helpful tips that might come in handy, if you are wanting to cut your loved ones hair to save time, money, and your sanity - (and if you want to pay for someone to cut your loved ones hair, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to do that, instead, to save your sanity.)

 1. The first thing we did was search on YouTube something similar to "how to cut hair yourself". We had no idea how to cut hair. This was very helpful and gave us ideas on how to cut hair. This is the video that Paul watched to give him simple hair cutting ideas. It has over 1.5 million views, so I think everyone is getting simple hair cutting ideas from this video.

 2. All you really need is wet hair, scissors, a comb, hair ties, a towel, a chair, a head holding still, and some patience.

 3. Anyone that is familiar with FTD knows that time is valuable. 10 minutes or less is a must for cutting hair with Dementia (that is in my opinion only). My mom would rather be doing something else than to be sitting still getting her hair cut. Time is of the essence when it comes to dementia, and cutting hair.
And voilà..... My mom had trimmed hair in 10 minutes or less!
Check out our other hair cutting posts that we have documented during my mom's FTD diagnosis below.

Haircut Time

 Haircut Time - Take Two (Pictures are included)

 As always, my prayers and thoughts go out to everyone who is dealing with Dementia in their life right now! It is such a hard thing to watch and go through! ❤❤

Caregiving

13 Benefits Of Going To A Support Group!

February 06, 2018



What is a support group? Have you ever wondered what the purpose of a support group is?

Support Definition - 

To bear or to hold up.

To bear the weight of especially from below; keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.

Group Definition - 

A number of people or things that are located close together or considered or classed together.

A support group from those definitions mean that it is a group of many people who come together to help you keep from falling & they help hold/lift you up.
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 I remember going to my first Frontotemporal Dementia Support Group ever. We were about a  year or two in from having FTD affect our lives. We were still new to FTD and learning new things about FTD every day. "Learning while we go",  seemed to be our motto at the time.

 I went with my brother, Jon and my husband, Paul. It reminded me of starting my first day of school. We walked in as strangers, not knowing anyone. We were immediately embraced. We wrote our names on paper place cards and sat down with our names in front of us. It was official. We were the newest members of the group. We were given binders with information on FTD in them. Jon and Paul were sitting on each side of me as my support system.

 We sat around tables that were set up in a square shape, and so we were all facing each other. I have never been around the most empathetic people in my life, until that moment. They were all looking at me with sadness, empathy, and as if they knew my situation. They even looked at me as if they knew what was going to come next for me. Many of these people had been through what I had been through, and were further down the FTD path than I was at or their FTD journey had already finished. They knew what would be coming up for me next, when I had no idea what was to come next. The only difference our stories seemed to have is that many were caring for their spouse with FTD, as we were caring for our mom with FTD.

Somehow it was my turn to speak or I guess I should say "cry." Everyone was staring at me. I can't remember what I said. I can only remember the tears. Tears started streaming down my face. This was the first time that I felt that everyone in the room had probably felt the way that I felt at that moment. I cried because I missed my mom. I cried because I needed to. I cried because I had raw and new feelings. It was simply okay to cry. I needed to get those emotions out. There was even a sweet lady who got up and brought me tissues for my tears. That is what a support group is all about. I was being supported.

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I learned that support groups are amazing.

◦  They are free.

◦  They are where you can go to get support from others, when you have no idea where else to get support from.

◦  You can vent.

◦  You have others to listen to you.

◦  You can cry.

◦  You can probably scream too, if you felt like you needed to.

◦  You can get a hug.

◦  You can feel not so alone.

◦  You can have instant connections.

◦  You can hear similar stories.

◦  You can ask questions and get answers or suggestions.

 ◦ You can learn from others that are in, or have been in, a similar situations as you.

◦  You can learn in the world of FTD, you aren't actually going crazy after all, or maybe you are, after all it is FTD.

What should you take to a support group?

 ◦ A notebook to jot down notes

 ◦ A pen or pencil

 ◦ Write down questions you want to ask prior to arriving to the support group. This will help you remember what you might want to say during the support group.

 ◦ Kleenex (just in case)

 How should I dress?

 There is no need to dress to impress at support groups. If it makes you feel good to dress to impress, than do it! I guarantee you can dress any way you want (as long as it is appropriate in public), even if you just got out of bed. The support group wants you there, so they can be a support to you.
◦  ◦  ◦  ◦ 

 No one should ever go through FTD alone!

◦  ◦  ◦  ◦ 
I would highly recommend going to a support group near you, if you can. Get on a support group e-mail list. Join support groups online, if you can't make it to a support group in person. It was so educational for me to know that I wasn't going through this all alone. There were others who were going through the same exact thing as me, just in a different way, because all stories are different.

 Click on the top of my blog where it says "FTD Support Groups" to find the nearest support group where you live.

For locals in the Salt Lake City area, there are two support groups. One in the AM and one in the PM.

AM Support Group

 WHERE:
Sandy Senior Center
9310 South, 1300 East
Sandy, UT

WHEN:
2nd Wednesday of the month from 10 a.m.–11:30 a.m.

 Many "Thank you's" to Bonnie for all she does to help others out!

 Bonnie Shepherd
801-231-3442
bbshepherd@comcast.net

 PM Support Group

 WHERE:
Bingham Creek Library
4834 West 9000 South
West Jordan, UT 84081

 WHEN:
2nd Wednesday of the month from 6 p.m.–7:30 p.m.

 Many "Thank you's" to Jamie for all she does to help others out!

 Jamie Gordon
801-550-3563
jjgordon3@juno.com


Later Stages

14 Tips How To Shower Someone with Frontotemporal Dementia!

November 28, 2017


Let's face it head on. No positivity, to cover the negativity. No sugar coating it. Showers are SO HARD for people with Dementia, and in our case, especially Frontotemporal Dementia.

Showering has been one of the hardest things for my mom to do, since she was diagnosed with FTD. It even goes way back before she was diagnosed. After 4 years of being diagnosed with dementia, I finally have a routine down, that actually seems to work.

The beginning stages I could not get my mom to shower worth anything. We were so desperate to at least get her hair washed so we would pull a chair up to the sink and wash her matted hair that way. Just like the way you get your hair washed at a beauty salon. Other times, my mom would say "NO", to showering. She thought she was just fine.

The assisted living memory care place, that my mom is at now, has only been able to help my mom shower once, since February. They are always asking us "how do you shower your mom?". "Can you show one of our CNA's how to shower her?" I kind of feel like I'm a professional, when the professionals, are asking me how to give my mom a shower.  :)   I shower my mom at least once a week, at the assisted living place. If I get lucky, twice a week.

Here are some tips that I do now, that seem to work. I hope this can help someone else out there. I hope this can help someone out for the beginning stages, and to help you prepare for the mid/later stages. The beginning stage is so hard because you go into FTD blinded. For me, it felt like I had to figure everything out on my own.

 I put together all of my mom's shower essentials. This includes: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, bath sponge, razor, and lotion. I found a basket to put all of these shower essentials into. This basket has helped save me, by having it all in one place, ready to use. I just pick this basket up, and take it to the bathroom. I store this basket in my mom's bathroom on the counter.

I believe that the pump shampoo has helped me out a tons during the shower process. It has saved me time by just doing one squirt each to get the shampoo and conditioner. It eliminates me having to open up the shampoo bottle, squirting shampoo out, and closing the bottles like the usual shampoo is like. I find these pump bottles at Costco, but I'm sure you can find them somewhere else, too.

FTD Dementia Showering Tips

The Shower Announcement / Exciting, Happy Voice
1. I always start out with telling my mom "It's shower day today" and I say it in a really exciting voice. I'll always say something like "let's do it really, really fast". That way it makes it sound like it's not a big thing, and it won't take too long. I never ask "do you want to shower now"? If I ever ask my mom in a question form, it always leads to a "NO".

 Use These -

 • It's shower day today!

 • We are showering today!

 • We are going to get you ready for _____ (place something they are going to be doing soon or something that excites them here)

 Never Use -

 • Do you want to shower today?

 • Are you ready to shower?

 • Can I help you shower today?

 Step by Step
2. In our case, I will tell my mom the steps to shower because she has a hard time with everything that goes into having a shower. I specifically will start off by telling my mom to "take off your earrings", "take off your watch", "take off your shoes", etc.

Pick Out Clean Clothes
3. While we are doing step #2, I get my mom a clean outfit out of her dresser, that she will wear after the shower. I get her shower basket and everything she needs for the shower ready. I learned from early on that my mom has a hard time to pick out clean clothes. I'd suggest to just pick out the clothes for your loved one to wear, instead of asking, "what do you want to wear today?".  I noticed once I started picking out clothes for my mom, it was a relief for my mom.

 Remove Hair Accessories/Comb Hair
4. I take out my mom's hair accessories from her hair. I comb through her hair before showering.

Enter Bathroom/ Take Off Clothes
5. We enter the bathroom with her shower basket, towels, and clean clothing. I tell her to take her clothes off.

Test Water Temperature 
6. I get the water started and make sure it's the right temperature, before she gets in the shower. I ask my mom to feel the water, and tell me if it feels like a good temperature for her.

Rinse Hair and Body with Water / No Surprises
7. I have learned that it's best to not just have the water in the shower blast my mom, all at once. I have learned that she does better, when I tell her what I am doing next. Like I'll say " I'm going to rinse your hair now, close your eyes". She doesn't like to be surprised with the next step. I'll tell her what I am putting on her hair and I let her know it's going to clean her hair. 

Shampoo/Condition Hair, While Loved One Washes Themselves with Soap
8. I'll shampoo/condition my mom's hair, and while I'm doing that I have her cleaning herself with soap and a bath sponge. I will tell her where she needs to clean herself. Otherwise, she is confused where to clean herself. At the end, I'll help her wash areas that I think need extra washing. Having her clean herself, seems to help distract her from what I am doing, and the parts to the shower that she doesn't like.

Wash & Shave Arm Pits
9. I tell my mom to raise her arms and then I wash and shave her armpits.

 Rinse Time
10. Make sure you rinse all of the soap off with water. :)

Shower is All Done Now/ Drying Time
11. The showering part is all done now. I will give my mom a towel, so she can dry herself off. I will help dry her, with another towel, to help the process go faster.

 Help Put Clothes On
12. I help my mom put on all of her clothes after the shower. She will go into her room after that, and put her new clean socks on. My mom has been needing a little extra help lately, and I help her put her socks on, too.

Comb Hair/ Let Hair Dry
13. I will comb my mom's hair for her and put it up into a pony tail, while her hair is still wet. This is just something we've always done and something that she is use to. We let her hair dry while it's in a pony tail. I have never blow dried my mom's hair. If it works, for your loved one, then blow dry their hair.

 Make Them Feel Beautiful / Compliment Them
14. I almost forgot this tip. This is the fun part of the steps to showering. I like to put blush on my mom's cheeks for her, after we are all done with everything. I tell her "she's beautiful". I tell her that her hair is so pretty. I use to put lipstick on her, too. I feel like at the stage she is now, she doesn't need lipstick on, and blush is enough for her. This part is the most rewarding part for me, after the shower, because I get to see my mom smile, and feel beautiful.
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These are just some of the steps we take, while I help my mom to shower. These steps work for us. I never realized that so much goes into showering and we usually don't have to think about the steps to showering, it just comes to us naturally. With a person with dementia, it is so hard for them to think & process all that showering requires. I had a stroke last year and showering is sometimes hard just for me. The stroke opened up my eyes, even more, to how many steps there are to showering. I will admit I have forgotten to use shampoo to wash my hair or I have only shaved one leg, and forgot the other one. The brain does so much thinking, in the shower process, that sometimes you don't even notice. It just comes naturally to those who's brains are working more correctly than others.

I know showers are so hard. It's probably been one of our constant challenges throughout the FTD process. I am happy that I have a routine down, and I just hope that the assisting living will get it down sometime.

At the end of the day, do your best. That is all that you can do. Remember you are amazing and you are doing a great job!

If anyone is reading this who has been through this, or is going through this now, please add your tips and tricks for showering in the comment area, so we can all learn from each other.

 This is just our journey to showering. I know everyone has their own separate journey.

 Thank you for reading! :)



Caregiving

It's Okay To Not Be A Superhero Every Day

September 25, 2017




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 I'm sure you have had the same moments where you read something and you think to yourself, "yes, that is so true or so me". I had one of those moments today, where I read a tweet on Twitter and I could relate to it so much. It was such a great tweet that I thought, "I need to share this to help someone else out".

 This not only pertains to caregivers, but to everyone. It seems like we are always busy trying to be superheroes, but sometimes it's OKAY to not to be a superhero for a day or two or three or more.

 I was so busy trying to be a superhero everyday for years. When I had my stroke last year, it was a wake up call. I had no choice, but to take off my cape, and basically retire it. 

 AND I have to keep reminding myself.....  THAT IS OKAY!

 If you have any of the signs of stress below, please slow yourself down. Find someone to help you. Tell someone that you need help. If you see someone struggling, offer them help. Sometimes it's hard to ask for help, especially if the person is already drowning in stress. Your health is to important, not to slow yourself down.  You are invaluable! We all are invaluable! Always remember that!

REMEMBER . . . . 

It's Okay To Not Be A Superhero Every Day!

In reality, we are only human, anyways.  :)


You can find our journey on Twitter, too.  - @monkeyami


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