Later Stages

Finally Free At Last

March 01, 2020

March 24, 1957 - February 28, 2020

   My heart is overfilled with love and appreciation! I can't thank everyone enough for treating me so special during this harder time for me!
   My sweet mother, Cindy, passed away on Friday evening. My aunt and I were able to be in the room with her as she took her last breath. This will forever be a special moment for me, as my brothers told me, she was waiting for me, before she finally let go. She finally, let go not to long, after I entered the room.

   As a caregiver, you get in a routine of helping them be comfortable and just to make it to another day. We had close moments before where I thought it might be my mom's time to go, but I got use to helping her through those hard times. She was having harder days, but I was so use to my mom making it through it. This time around, my mom decided to trick me. It was time for her to go. I look back now & can see it was all the process and it was happening. No matter how much I tried to prepare for this moment, I wasn't prepared. I'm not sure you can ever be fully prepared, especially with the emotions that come. We have said so many goodbyes during my mom's Frontotemporal Dementia journey. We lost so much of my mom every week, month, and year after year. This has been such a long grieving process throughout the years. 

   My mom was so strong up until the end. She pushed with all the strength she had, up unto the end. 

   I'll miss her so much! I'm so glad that she is finally free at last! 

   There's one thing for sure that I know. I'm a much stronger person now than I was before. I'm thankful for the strength that my mom has given me through being able to be her caregiver. I feel like I came to earth with the calling already to be my mom's caregiver. I've helped her for about half of my life. I'll be forever grateful for these moments and lessons I have learned. 

   Thank you everyone for the love, service, acts of kindness, offerings of help, and messages. I feel the love and it's helping me get through this. 

   Many thanks to Paul Ahotaeiloa, my husband, for being my biggest support system for many years! Thank you for the care you gave to my mom even up to her last breath! I couldn't have made it through this journey without you! 
   I would love to continue sharing our story and spreading FTD awareness. When the time is right, I'll be doing that. I hope you'll still be here helping me spread FTD awareness!

Sending everyone much love & light today and everyday!

 You can read Cindy's obituary!

Later Stages

10 Months

February 26, 2020

Cindy has been blessed with visitors this month. I haven't been good at taking pictures, but her grandkids, doctor, nurse, caregivers, and CNA's have visited her, too. I like to joke that Cindy is more popular than me with all the visitors she has. The reality is I'm popular, too, because her visitors become my visitors.

It's crazy to think that Cindy has been home living with us for nearly 10 months now. We have seen many changes with Cindy in these last 10 months. Cindy came home able to walk, talk, dance, and smile. Those things all are now mostly just a memory. I miss all those things about Cindy. I struggle to help my mom now because she is so weak and heavy for me to help her. She looks defeated sometimes when I try to help her, and, to be honest, when I can't help, it makes me feel defeated, too. We stay positive though and hold on to the positives that we have. We are thankful for Paul and Cindy's caregivers who always come help save our day!

We talk to Cindy as she listens. She isn't able to say much back to us, if anything. I know she just loves the presence of her loved ones. It makes my heart melt to see her light up when she first sees her family visitors. She lights up and it's probably the most joy I see from her. 

We keep going! All as I know is, Cindy has been a fighter throughout these hard times. She has taught me to never give up, even when times are hard!

Thank you for your love and support!


Just a side note. I had no idea when I wrote this post that Cindy would pass away 2 days later. Hug your loved ones tight!


February 14, 2020

I've been keeping a secret from you all here. I haven't been able to find the right words.

BLESSINGS & MIRACLES do happen! I have been reminded of this the last few months.

We brought Cindy (my mom) back home to live with us in May of last year. Never in a million years, did we expect a miracle to happen next.

Paul & I found out in November last year that we are expecting a baby! We didn't really believe it and it didn't feel for reals. Years of infertility can make you feel that way.

Every 3 years for the last 6 years I have been admitted to the hospital. The first hospital stay was for an abscess on my ovary and fallopian tube that left one of my fallopian tubes blocked. 3 years later, I was in the hospital for having a dissected artery & stroke. With getting older and just not having the best of luck health wise. . . I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to get pregnant. I stayed positive and learned to have FAITH and a lot of PATIENCE.

I'm excited that now almost exactly 4 years later, after my stroke, I'll be in the hospital for something so SPECIAL and for something we have been waiting for, for years. We have been married for 11 years and we are FINALLY expecting a baby boy in July 2020.

Cindy will be having another GRANDSON. Her second. She doesn't understand or even realize, but I know she'd be so very thrilled. 

XO, Natalie 💋😍💕

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! 
I pray, every day, that others going through something similar, can have their miracle, too!

Popular Posts