Assisted Living and Memory Care For My Mom with Frontotemporal Dementia

June 03, 2017

My mom now resides in an assisted living and memory care place called BeeHive Homes. She moved there February 20, 2017. We have been blessed and the transition went perfectly. Sooo much better than I could have ever imagined. I know this isn't the case for everyone.

When is the right time to have a Frontal Temporal Dementia loved one move to assisted living, you might ask?

I don't know if there is really a right time. You just have to know that you did all that you could do and it's the right decision for you and your loved one. Of course, you might have guilt for putting them in assisted living. I know that I had a lot of guilt and was worried about the outcome. I cried, felt guilty, and I couldn't even handle the process of putting her in assisted living. I had to put the transition process into my husband and brother's hands and hope for the best.

These are the reasons assisted living was the right decision for us. . . .

1. I had a stroke in July 2016 and I couldn't keep up with the needs of my mom. It was too much for me & my stroke brain. My husband was overwhelmed with taking care of me and my mom, also. It was to much for both of us.

2. My husband and I needed to start taking care of ourselves first. You are no help to someone else, if you don't take care of yourself first. Eventually, you will become run down, if you continue to put yourself last. That is what happened in our case. We found out this a little to late.

3. We hired a caregiver to come to my mom's house from 4-8PM every day to help feed my mom and to entertain her. This helped out, but it became to be that this wasn't enough care my mom was in need of.

4. My mom was unable to use the toilet properly and her basement flooded. She did not understand that you can only use a certain amount of toilet paper. She would fill the toilet up with toilet paper and not realize that the toilet would not flush with all the toilet paper she was using. She started using her hand as a plunger. Imagine sticking your own hand in the toilet with poop, pee, and toilet paper. This is not a normal way of plunging a toilet.

5. My mom came and lived with us for a month before going to assisted living. She started to tell me that she did not feel safe at home. She never asked if she could go back home. This was a big sign to me that she shouldn't be home alone anymore. I felt like this was the sign.

The end result . . .

My mom has not asked to go back home since being at assisted living. She has always told me that the assisted living place is a good and fun place to be. She does call or text me that she wants to be visited or to be picked up to go for a drive. She always goes back to assisted living fine and does not resist being there. There has been quite a few conflicts with my mom at assisted living because of my mom's behavior. I'll leave that subject for another post one day.

Take one day at a time. That's all you can do.

I've learned there is no manual in the frontal temporal dementia world, but I wish there was. It's kind of hard to have one because all cases are different.

We are blessed and thankful.

What is your story? Do you have any tips for others in this situation?