You Did Your Best and That Is All That Matters - A Caregiver's Guilt During Sorrow
March 07, 2023
Beautiful flower photo taken by Cindy
She passed away peacefully with her family by her side.
The mortuary people drove her away just a few hours later. My brother's watched them drive my mom's lifeless body away in their truck down the street until they could no longer see the truck anymore.
All visitors left just leaving Paul and myself by ourselves.
Our home became quiet. Very quiet.
Our caregiving for Cindy was finally completed. My mom was at peace.
I was finally standing alone in my quiet room.
I opened my dresser drawer to get something out of my dresser. I can't even remember what I was trying to get out of the dresser because my emotions took over me. Mixed emotions were pouring & stirring around inside of my head. My heart was beating fast. I closed my eyes so tight and lowered my head while having intense feelings of all sorts of kinds. It didn't help that I had been crying all day from watching my mom slowly pass away.
As I was fighting my emotions so hard, these words came to me over and over again:
"Did I do enough for my mom?"
" Did I do enough for my mom? "
" Did I do enough for my mom? "
I turned myself around trying to fight these questions & words out of my head.
Why was guilt trying to take over me now? I had to fight so hard to make this crazy guilt go away!
I was finally standing alone in my quiet room.
I opened my dresser drawer to get something out of my dresser. I can't even remember what I was trying to get out of the dresser because my emotions took over me. Mixed emotions were pouring & stirring around inside of my head. My heart was beating fast. I closed my eyes so tight and lowered my head while having intense feelings of all sorts of kinds. It didn't help that I had been crying all day from watching my mom slowly pass away.
As I was fighting my emotions so hard, these words came to me over and over again:
"Did I do enough for my mom?"
" Did I do enough for my mom? "
" Did I do enough for my mom? "
I turned myself around trying to fight these questions & words out of my head.
Why was guilt trying to take over me now? I had to fight so hard to make this crazy guilt go away!
I finally was able to fight the guilt & those words away! These positive words finally came to me to calm me & remind me that I did do enough!
"You did your best and that is all that matters!"
I share this story with you because I am sure that I am not alone in having these feelings after a loved one passes away. It may happen whether you want it to or not. Feelings flow all over the place at times of sorrow.
The words I want you and me to remember is to:
Do Your Best and Forget The Rest!
"You did your best and that is all that matters!"
I share this story with you because I am sure that I am not alone in having these feelings after a loved one passes away. It may happen whether you want it to or not. Feelings flow all over the place at times of sorrow.
The words I want you and me to remember is to:
Do Your Best and Forget The Rest!
You did your best and that is all that matters.
Be gentle with yourself. Very gentle.
Push the guilt aside.
Push the guilt aside.
You are not alone. You are loved more than you know.
There are many stages to grief. Guilt being one of them.
The stages to grief may include:
· shock disbelief
· denial
· bargaining
· guilt
· anger
· depression
· acceptance / hope
This was written back in 2020 when Cindy passed away. I'm just finally posting this now. Thank you for your support always!
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